I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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