from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
