im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
