If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
