i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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