i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
