its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
