I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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