mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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