What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
