At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
time to smoke my breakfast
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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