Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
