I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
