I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
