ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
