Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
