You're completely useless in the revolution.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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