just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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