You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
