the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
