Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
