We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
