If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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