I heard we made out
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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