So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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