fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
