i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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