i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
