Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I party with great urgency now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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