why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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