I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
