Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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