Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
