My liver just broke up with me...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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