Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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