I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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