YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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