Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
