I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
