i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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