Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
