ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
