Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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