This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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