The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
