Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
