I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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