if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
they're like a gay fantastic four
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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