I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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