dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
