so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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