just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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