i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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