Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
