Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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