I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
