I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
