Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
