So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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