i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
