I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
