i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
