Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
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Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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