It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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