Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
