Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if only i could text you this smell
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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