Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
