Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
