They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
