the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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