I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
