Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
