i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
