Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
